


Trauma Doesn't Just Go Away

by celestialriptide



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coping, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Keith (Voltron) Needs a Hug, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, POV Keith (Voltron), PTSD, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, shiro takes a badly timed nap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-12 14:21:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16874487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestialriptide/pseuds/celestialriptide
Summary: The things they've been through catch up with Keith all at once, and he breaks a little bit.





	Trauma Doesn't Just Go Away

**Author's Note:**

> A big thank you to everyone who responded to my twitter polls for this one, and a gracious thank you to my beta for always being willing to let me test drive fics on her even though she's not even part of this fandom. There's some behind the scenes goofs in the notes at the end. 
> 
>  
> 
> [come yell at me on twitter](https://twitter.com/astralundertow)
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading!

Keith tosses off his opponent, pushing him back with a slash to the chest. The moment he registers it start to fall to the ground from his strike, he disengages entirely and whirls to face the next. He can hear Pidge calling to Hunk for support somewhere behind him, so he weaves in the opposite direction, forcing his way through the next three faceless attackers that get in his way. They've been fighting for too long now, and each wave downed just brings two more to replace it. He's starting to get frustrated, but he's not sure what he's frustrated at exactly; whether it be himself or each new sentry he comes across, or even the rain that's making it hard to see through his visor and making his feet slip every time he tries to move. There's movement to his left and he spins, blade pulled back before it's wedged in the chest of yet another robot. They don't seem to be stopping any time soon, and he knows the team needs a break. They've got to figure out a way to win this one.

He sees Lance ahead of him providing cover fire for Shiro, but there's three more of these things advancing on him from behind that he doesn't seem to notice. Keith tosses another one off of him, then he runs towards Lance, throwing his dagger to hit the one that's just raised its sword to take down Lance where he crouches. He focuses on the next two, bayard flashing in his hand before he's bringing it up against another, knocking the gun it was leveling at him out of its grasp.

"Look alive, Lance," he says into the comms while embedding his bayard in the chest of the weaponless sentry, raising a leg to kick it back before yanking his blade out of the first and turning toward the final one.

"Aye, thanks for the save, buddy! I owe you." Lance's voice crackles through his helmet, and he has to fight the smile that threatens to break out. Now really isn't the time.

He grips his blade tight, pulling it up and letting it transform just before it knocks against the sentry's. This one is larger than the last few, leaving less spots open, and he's a little shocked to realize this one is a good counter for him. He's not sure why it went after Lance, and the thought that maybe he's predictable passes through his mind before he refocuses on pushing this one back to give Lance more room. "Just focus on keeping Shiro clear, and we'll call it even."

There's something about the sentry he's fighting that pulls at his mind, and it's giving him more trouble because of it. The blade it's carrying is hitting his almost hard enough to make him regret facing it alone, and he worries that he'll have to end up leading it away to Allura for more help. He would ask Lance, but Lance has his hands full keeping Shiro from being overwhelmed from what he'd seen. They're too spread out at this point, and he's not sure that they'll be able to make it through much more of this. He's got his blade locked against the sentry's, but it's pushing against him in a stalemate. He leans into it, trying to cause any give he can, but his feet can't find traction against the wet ground.

He looks up, and he almost imagines that its blank face-plate is something else, someone else. For a moment, he's back surrounded by clones, and it's Shiro's face contorted with anger than glares down at him from the other side of their crossed swords. He needs to get it away from him as quickly as possible. He shakes away the memory, and steels himself as he notices a flash of green over its shoulder.

"Pidge, could I get a-" he falters just enough for the sentry to gain the upper hand, "Get this thing off of me!"

The sentry's blade rams against his, and he looses his footing as his grip shifts. The blade falls from his hand and is knocked away before he manages to grab it back. It raises its sword again, and he barely manages to get his bayard up in time to keep it from clipping his shoulder. The blow knocks him back, and he trips just as Pidge's bayard whips out and yanks at the sentry, pulling it away and into Hunk's canon. He knocks against Lance, and hears him mutter a curse as his shot goes wide before they hit the ground. There's another muttered curse from beside him as they pick themselves back up, and he grabs his blade as he turns to survey the situation and figure out where he's needed next.

A couple of yards away and a few steps below them, a sentry pushes Shiro back and raises its sword, landing one hell of a hit against his side. To Keith, it feels like the moment drags on forever as Shiro is knocked away, his hand going to the wound before the machine knocks him to his knees. Then, he's falling.

Keith knows the feeling that grips him before he's fully registered what he's seeing. He can feel his blood run cold, his heart lodging itself in his throat while the realization hits him that this is because of the shot Lance missed. The shot _he_ made Lance miss. The comms crackle to life in his helmet, but he can't focus on the words outside of, "Shiro's out." He's faintly aware of Lance sprinting off to help Allura, but the sounds of the fight are drowned out by the sound of the ringing silence in his head as he watches Shiro hit the ground.

Keith's intimate with the feeling that grips him in the handful of seconds that all of this takes place. It's the feeling of a scream building in the back of his throat, growing from an itch to an impulse, cutting off his breath as he clamps his jaw shut against him. His teeth feel more like a barrier than they are, and it's pressing hard against them, so hard he almost feels as if they could shatter with the force of it. He can't breathe, he's choking instead, and he can almost feel sticky fingers wrapping themselves around the base of his throat and squeezing; keeping that pressure as they slide up, and up, and up until the noise rips itself from his throat, tearing holes on its way out, and shredding his voice until what he's screaming for is lost to the noise of it. It's an experience that Keith hates, but one he's endured numerous times throughout his life. It's never hurt quite this bad before, though. Not even when he was small and the force of it knocked him to his knees when he looked at his father's grave. The entire experience only lasts a moment, and it's as desperate as his feet slipping against the rain soaked ground as he runs towards the one thing he always fought to protect.

Shiro is laying on his side, and Keith is having a hard time understanding the fact that he isn't moving as he runs toward him. He nearly trips in his haste to get to Shiro, reaching up to throw his helmet to the side as he does. It hits the ground behind him, and he falls to his knees at Shiro's side. He carefully reaches forward to turn Shiro over, pulling him half into his lap and leaving steady stream of broken no's on each breath.

"Shiro. Shiro, don't do this to me." His hand hovers over Shiro's chest, shaking as he searches his face for a reaction. Water slides down his hair, dripping from his chin and lashes. He's not sure how much of that is from the rain, or how much of it is from the choked feeling in his chest. He moves, pressing his hand against the wound on Shiro's side, and he shutters at the warm feeling he finds. He pulls his hand back and takes one look at the red he sees there before a choked sob breaks its way from his throat, and he places the hand back tight against the wound. With his free hand he pushes Shiro's helmet off, slicking his hair back and out of his face.

"I can't," he takes in a deep, shuttering breath and holds Shiro closer, curling around him. "I can't lose you _again_."

There's a flurry of movement behind him, then Lance is knocking a sentry away at their side and Keith manages to tune back in to the sounds of the fight around him. His forehead hits Shiro's just as Lance calls out behind him, "Coran, shut down the simulation! Now!"

There's a moment where Keith wonders what Lance is talking about, because they're in the middle of a fight and you can't just turn a fight off, but he finds he's too focused on Shiro to care. He can't bring himself to look away. Slowly, the rain dies out and then there's a crash all around them, the sound of multiple robots falling to the ground all at once.

"C'mon, Shiro, wake up...please, wake up." There's a soft pressure against his shoulders, pulling him back but he jerks out of Lance's grasp.

"Keith- Keith, he's okay." Keith can only shake his head, a broken noise falling from him as he tries to pull Shiro closer. "He'll wake up in just a few minutes. You need to calm down, buddy."

He takes in a ragged breath, moving back just enough to look at Shiro's face again. "He's not _okay_ , Lance. He's- he's hurt and it's my...it's my..." he breaks off with a strangled noise that he doesn't want to admit is a whine. 

"Quiznak..." There's a hand against his hair for a moment, then Lance is pulling away and pushing himself back up. Keith feels him move away before calling out, "Princess, we've got a situation over here."

There's footsteps, then the soft sounds of Allura and Lance talking, but Keith can't focus on their words. His fingers dig into Shiro's side, and he can't look away from the fact that Shiro's still not moving outside of the slow rise and fall of his chest. There's a soft hand over his on the back of Shiro's neck, and the contact startles him.

"Keith, Shiro means a lot to you, doesn't he?" He can't bring himself to look at Allura as he nods, but he feels her hand pull away. Glancing through his lashes, he can tell she's rearranging, shifting to try and catch his eyes. "I know he cares about you as well. I don't think he would like to see you worked up in this way."

"How can you all be so calm when Shiro, he's-" Allura cuts him off, and he takes a deep breath as she speaks.

"He's fine, Keith." Her tone is gentle, but he jolts, looking up to stare at her, horrified that she could say _this_ is fine. She raises a hand slowly, brushing his bangs from his eyes. He flinches in response, shaking his head.

"He's not _fine_ , Allura. He won't wake up, and he's bleeding-" she takes his hand gently, pulling it from where it's pressed tight against Shiro's side, "Let go! We need to stop-"

"Keith, he's not bleeding. He may develop some bruising from the hit, but he's not injured further than that."

Keith jerks his hand from her grasp, holding it out palm up. "What do you mean, he's not bleeding. My hand is covered-!" He looks pointedly at it as he shoves it forward to prove his point, and stops. "There's...there's no blood."

Her tone is soft, sad, when she responds. "No, there is no blood. It was just a training simulation, Keith. There was never any blood." It breaks something else in his chest.

"But- I saw the blood, Allura. My hand was covered in blood, in _Shiro's_ blood." He tries to replay those moments in his mind again, but he swears the blood was there. Shiro had been bleeding out and he hadn't done _anything_.

"I think this could be a symptom of-" he cuts her off, shaking his head.

"If he's not hurt, then why isn't he waking up?" Nothing is making sense, and Keith is trying hard to understand, but all he can think about is the fact that he watched Shiro fall and couldn't do anything to stop it. Allura reaches forward to take his hand again, and distantly he's aware of Lance leading the other two paladins out of the area.

"He should wake any moment now. Keith, can you take a deep breath for me?"

"Allura, I don't understand. If he's fine, if he's not hurt, then why is he like this in the first place?" His heart is beating an erratic dance against his chest, and he tries to make himself focus on her and not Shiro. It doesn't work well.

"Take a deep breath for me first, then I'll explain. I know you're confused, you're having a hard time right now. One deep breath, _slowly_ , and I'll explain. Can you do that?" Keith nods jerkily, and he breathes as deeply as he can, closing his eyes as he exhales. He takes a moment to breathe, then makes a point to focus on her when he reopens his eyes. "Better. A few days ago, I had the idea that it would be interesting to be able to see how the team would handle someone being injured or overwhelmed in battle. I don't believe that we would ever let it happen again in a live situation, but we agreed that it could be beneficial to see how the team would fare. Do you understand?"

Keith nods again, slowly. If he tries, he can remember the conversation she's talking about. He had been the only one wary about the idea.

"This morning, Atlas provided us with the means. You're all wearing suits under your armor. Under the right situation, such as a faux-fatal strike from one of our training droids, it was supposed to release a chemical to you in response that would-"

"It would make us pass out, just long enough for Coran to get us off the field. It's-it's just fake." Allura lets out a sad sound, and he doesn't like the way she's looking at him. He looks down again, and his wet bangs catch his attention. "What about the rain? It's just a simulation, how did-"

"Coran's idea. He thought it would make for a good obstacle, so he had Atlas activate the sprinkler system here."

His words are heavy, clogging his throat. "I messed up the entire simulation."

There's a soft, distressed noise then Allura is gripping his hand tight in both of hers. "No, Keith, I don't think you did. You've all been through a lot, and I don't think anyone can blame you for the reaction you had today. Have you-"

Whatever she's about to ask is cut off by a groan, and Shiro is moving against Keith's legs. Keith startles, watching as Shiro raises a hand to his forehead then moves his prosthetic to push himself up. Keith jolts forward, helping Shiro sit up and watching his face for any signs of discomfort. Allura moves on his other side, and in a moment they're standing together. Shiro has an arm wrapped around Keith's shoulders, leaning into him and Keith holds him tight. He lays a hand against his chest, and focuses in on the steady rise and fall, the quiet drum of a heart beating against his fingers.

It's silent as Shiro reorients himself, and he's the first one to break the tension. "How did everything go after I went down?"

Keith cringes, and Allura seems to need a moment to gather her words. "I believe that we learned a lot through today's exercise, and I think it would be good that, if possible, the two of you took the rest of the day to relax."

"Why? Did someone get hurt?" The concern in Shiro's voice makes Keith's frown deeper, and he thinks again on that moment he saw Shiro fall. He goes back to it, because he needs to figure out when he forgot that it was a training exercise. He doesn't need it to happen again.

"Someone," her gaze is heavy on him, and he feels himself shrink under its weight when he doesn't mean to, "may be more hurt than they like to let on. Keith, I'm going to send a file containing Atlas' security footage from after Shiro fell to your datapad, if you would like to go over it with Shiro later."

He can feel Shiro's eyes on him, curious, and he nods sharply. He mumbles out a thank you, then he's turning and tugging Shiro towards the door with him.

"Keith, did something happen?" Shiro pulls him to a stop as soon as the door closes behind them. The hallway they're in is quiet, and Keith feels more drained than he has in a long time.

"I don't-" he takes a breath, looking anywhere but up at Shiro's face, "I don't want to talk about it. I would really...really just like to take a nap, if you'll come with me."

"Maybe we should talk about it, though. You look like you've seen a ghost, Keith." His voice is quiet, and it knocks against Keith's chest. The concern in his voice is a heavy thing for Keith to stomach, and he knows Shiro is searching his face. "Something happened in there...are you okay?"

He leans into Shiro, shaking his head. "Not right now..." his voice comes out quiet, and he hates how defeated it sounds. How tired. "We can talk about it later, but right now...right now I really just-" There's an emotion welling up in his throat again, and he chokes on it. He closes his eyes, and continues on a shaky breath. "I would just really, really like it if we could lay down for a bit."

Shiro continues to study him for a moment, then he's pulled closer. Shiro tucks him securely under his arm and starts to lead him toward their room. "I feel like this is you asking me to hold you."

Keith can't help the wet laugh that makes its way out of his mouth. He doesn't confirm it, but he doesn't have to. Shiro can read him better than most, and he's grateful for it as he leans his head against Shiro's shoulder. Their shared room isn't far from the training hall, and Keith is suddenly thankful, realizing that it's the best thing that's come out of his training habits. 

He's running on fumes after what happened, and Shiro ends up helping him dry off and get out of his armor. He falls onto the bed as soon as he's released, kicking his way beneath the blankets as Shiro changes. Then Shiro is crawling in beside him, pulling him close, and Keith melts against his chest.

He makes a promise to himself that he'll talk to Shiro about it when they wake up, but right now he just needs to let himself remember that Shiro's alive. There's still a muted rushing in his ears, but there's also an arm wrapped tight around him and fingers threading through his hair. He closes his eyes to focus on the steady heart beat beneath his ear, because that's all he really cares about right now.

**Author's Note:**

> Angst fic based around Keith screaming: check  
> Shiro taking a hit to the torso (and not the head, ffs): check  
> Let Shiro Live: check  
> Shiro Warm And Safe In A Comfy Bed: check!!
> 
> My beta and I went back and forth on what to name this. Obviously, I didn't settle on our ideas because the entire conversation was a little back and forth that went something like...  
> Me: idk what to title this  
> Cath: Keith Gets Dunked On By Atlas  
> Me: No  
> Cath: Keith Gets Dunked On By Atlas  
> Me: that's not even what happens, he gets dunked on by ptsd  
> Cath: Keith Gets Dunked On By PTSD  
> Me: ...that was lowkey triggered by Atlas, you're onto something  
> Cath: "slurve's up" would be fucking phenomenal if it had a baseball theme  
> Me: sadly it does not  
> Cath: okay what you have to do is rewrite the entire thing so they're in the MLB and keith who is a great pitcher who gets batters to miss with ease but he fucks on up bc he slighty trips and the ball gets hit straight into shiros cranium  
> Cath: shiro will in fact have permanent brain damage in this au but its worth it for the pun


End file.
